Maintaining Strong Relationships: Common Expat Struggles & Solutions
International relocation places unique pressures on intimate relationships.
Whether you've moved abroad with a partner, left someone behind, or formed a relationship with someone from another culture, expat life adds layers of complexity to romantic connections.
Understanding these challenges and developing strategies to address them can transform potential relationship stressors into opportunities for deeper connection.
Common Relationship Challenges in Expat Life
The Accompanying Partner Dynamic
When one partner's career drives an international move, the accompanying partner often experiences significant identity and role adjustments:
Loss of professional identity and financial independence
Increased domestic responsibilities
Dependence on the working partner for social connection
Resentment about sacrifices made for the other's career
Guilt from the working partner about the other's sacrifices
Research from the Permits Foundation found that 84% of accompanying partners were employed before relocation, but only 35% were employed after moving—a dramatic shift that affects relationship dynamics, power balance, and individual wellbeing.
Relationship Strain During Cultural Adjustment
The stress of cultural adjustment can spill over into relationship dynamics:
Different adjustment rates creating emotional disconnection
Limited energy for the relationship due to adjustment demands
Using the partner as an outlet for cultural frustration
Withdrawal or conflict as stress responses
Difficulty supporting each other while managing personal adjustment
A study in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations found that 65% of expatriate couples reported increased conflict during the first year abroad, with adjustment stress identified as the primary contributing factor.
Long-Distance Relationship Challenges
For those maintaining relationships across borders:
Communication barriers across time zones
Missing physical presence and intimacy
Uncertainty about the future
Diverging life experiences
Difficulty sharing daily life and building shared memories
These challenges require intentional strategies to maintain connection despite physical separation.
The Impact of Relationship Stress on Expat Success
Relationship difficulties significantly impact overall expatriate adjustment and success:
Relationship problems are cited as the primary reason for early return from international assignments in 65% of cases
Expatriates in stable, supportive relationships show better cultural adjustment and higher job performance
Relationship satisfaction is the strongest predictor of overall life satisfaction during international transitions
Children's adjustment is strongly influenced by parental relationship quality
These findings highlight the importance of proactive relationship care during international transitions.
4 Strategies for Nurturing Expat Partnerships
1. Acknowledge the Accompanying Partner's Experience
Recognition of the accompanying partner's sacrifices and challenges is essential for relationship health.
Practical Steps:
Explicitly discuss and validate the accompanying partner's experience
Recognize that career interruption involves not just financial loss but identity disruption
Create space for processing grief about career and identity changes
Actively support the accompanying partner's efforts to rebuild professional or personal identity
2. Renegotiate Roles and Expectations
International moves often necessitate relationship role adjustments.
Practical Steps:
Openly discuss how roles might need to shift during transition
Establish new agreements about household responsibilities, financial management, and social arrangements
Revisit these agreements regularly as circumstances evolve
Consider how local cultural norms might influence your role negotiations
3. Develop Shared and Individual Adjustment Strategies
Balancing togetherness and individual development supports healthy adjustment.
Practical Steps:
Create opportunities to explore the new environment together
Support each other's individual interests and connections
Discuss how to balance expatriate and local community involvement
Develop rituals that honor both your relationship history and new experiences
4. Prioritise Relationship Maintenance
The demands of expatriate life can easily overshadow relationship needs without intentional attention.
Practical Steps:
Schedule regular quality time despite busy adjustment periods
Create technology-free zones to ensure focused connection
Develop new shared interests in your host country
Establish check-in rituals to discuss relationship health
Consider preventive relationship counselling during major transitions
The Growth Potential for Expat Couples
While this article has focused substantially on challenges, it's important to recognize the growth opportunities that expatriate life offers relationships:
Shared adventures create unique bonds and memories
Navigating challenges together builds relationship resilience
Reduced social networks often strengthen partner reliance and intimacy
Cross-cultural exposure expands relationship possibilities beyond familiar patterns
Distance can deepen appreciation and intentional connection
Many couples report that successfully navigating international transitions together strengthened their relationship in ways that might not have occurred in more familiar circumstances. The key is approaching the challenges with awareness, communication, and a willingness to adapt together.
Whether you're moving together, maintaining connection across borders, or building a relationship across cultures, the expatriate experience offers unique opportunities to develop a resilient, intentional relationship that can thrive amid the complexities of international life.
If you're navigating a major life change and looking for support, I’m here to help. Book a free consultation today to explore how we can work together toward clarity, confidence, and a new sense of direction.
Explore other Insights to Navigate Life’s Transitions:
Supporting Your Child Through International Relocation: A Guide for Expat Parents
From Lost to Aligned: Reinventing Your Career & Identity
Expat Loneliness: How to Overcome Isolation and Build Connection
