Am I grieving or homesick after moving abroad?
After a move abroad, many people feel sad, flat, or pulled strongly toward home. You might find yourself thinking about your old life all the time, checking time zones to imagine what people are doing “back there,” or feeling waves of emotion that take you by surprise.
It can be hard to know what to call this. Is it homesickness, grief, depression, or all three at once. Giving these experiences a clear name can make them feel less confusing and easier to work with.
When homesickness feels like more than missing home
Homesickness is usually described as missing a familiar place and the people in it. It can involve:
longing for familiar routines, language, food or surroundings
fantasising about being back home
feeling like your current environment is temporary or not quite real
a sense of emotional distance from your new country
For many people, homesickness comes and goes. It may feel strongest in the first months after a move, or around holidays and significant dates. You can feel homesick and still enjoy aspects of your new life at the same time.
Sometimes, though, what you feel goes beyond homesickness.
How grief can show up after relocation
Relocation grief is the emotional response to losing a whole way of life, not only a place. It can include:
the loss of roles and identities you held at home
the loss of relationships as they once were
the loss of a sense of belonging and ease
the loss of a future you once imagined for yourself
Grief after a move can show up as:
waves of sadness that come seemingly out of nowhere
anger or irritability that feels out of character
numbness or feeling disconnected from your own experience
difficulty caring about things that used to matter
a sense that nothing feels right, even when you “should” be happy
Grief is not only about death. It is any response to meaningful loss. Relocation often brings many losses at once, which is why the emotional impact can be so strong.
The overlap between grief and homesickness
Homesickness and grief often sit together and can be hard to tell apart. Both can involve:
strong longing for people, places and routines that are no longer close
physical sensations such as heaviness, tightness in the chest, or fatigue
difficulty feeling fully present where you are now
thoughts like “I want my old life back” or “I wish I had never moved”
You might notice that your mind jumps between:
“I miss home.”
“I miss who I was there.”
“I do not know where I belong now.”
Naming both homesickness and grief can make sense of why your feelings feel so intense.
How to tell when it might be more than homesickness
There is no strict line, but it may be more than homesickness if:
your mood has been low most days for several weeks or more
you have lost interest in activities you usually enjoy
you struggle to get through daily tasks or work
sleep or appetite have changed noticeably
you feel hopeless about the future
thoughts of going “back home” feel more like escape than genuine choice
You can also notice the impact on your life. If how you feel is affecting your work, relationships or physical health in a sustained way, it is worth paying attention.
Gentle ways to respond to grief and homesickness
You do not have to force yourself to “get over it.” Some ideas that can help:
Acknowledge that what you are feeling is understandable. You have lost a lot in a short time.
Let yourself name specific losses, rather than minimising them. Jobs, roles, friendships and places all matter.
Create small rituals of connection with home that feel supportive, not draining.
Notice when you are comparing your current life harshly to the old one and see if there is room for a more balanced view.
Talk to at least one person who can hear the full story without telling you to “be grateful.”
These steps do not fix everything, but they can reduce the sense that you are facing this alone or that your reactions are unreasonable.
When it may help to talk with a therapist
You do not need to wait until things are “really bad” to seek support. It might be helpful to talk with a therapist if:
you feel stuck between home and the new country and cannot see a way forward
you are hiding how you feel from people close to you because you do not want to worry them
you and your partner are struggling in different ways with the move
you are worried you might be depressed and are not sure what to do next
A therapist who understands expat life can help you name what is grief, what is homesickness, and what else might be happening, and then think together about what you need.
If you recognise yourself in this overlap between grief and homesickness, it does not mean you made the wrong choice or that you are ungrateful. It means you have been through a major change and are living with the emotional cost of that change.
If you would like support to make sense of how you are feeling after a move abroad, you can read more about Individual Therapy or book a free 20 minute connection call. In the call you can describe what has been happening and ask any questions about working together.
