The Trailing Spouse Roadmap: Navigating and Coping the First 6 Months Abroad
Moving abroad for a partner’s career is often described as an adventure, but for the person following, the reality can be a complex emotional journey. If you are currently struggling, it is important to know that a trailing spouse adjustment period is normal and follows a predictable, albeit challenging, path.
At Expatriate Therapy, I specialise in supporting trailing spouses and people who have moved abroad for love navigating these transitions. Understanding the building a life abroad timeline can help you realise that what you are feeling (whether it is resentment, exhaustion, or a loss of identity) is a normal part of the process.
Below is an exploration of the first six months of the trailing spouse journey and the trailing spouse coping strategies that can help you move from "the crash" to "integration".
Everyone is on their own timeline for adjustment after moving overseas, so the timeframe in this graphic is illustrative. Go gentle with yourself if you are several months in and still feeling the crash.
Month 1: The Shock and Honeymoon
The first month is often a blur of overwhelmed optimism and anxiety. Your days are consumed by the sheer logistics of moving: registrations, appointments, and unpacking. Because you are so busy with the "doing," the reality of isolation hasn't fully hit yet.
Coping Strategy:
Focus on the basics. Set up a simple routine, be gentle with yourself, and expect to feel exhausted.
Month 2: The Crash
Many trailing spouses and expats ask, "Does it get better?" because Month 2 often feels like the lowest point. This is frequently the hardest month, where homesickness, grief and depression can peak. Without a job or a set routine, a sense of purposelessness may set in, and financial dependence can feel suffocating. This is often when a true identity crisis begins.
Coping Strategy:
Take very small steps. Aim to find an expat-focused therapist to support you, join one language class, or make just one attempt at a new friendship.
Month 3: Friction and Resentment
By the third month, a "split" often occurs in the household: your spouse is likely settled into their new role, while you may feel "left behind". This can lead to escalated marital tension, resentment and conflicts over roles and expectations.
Coping Strategy:
Open communication is vital. Carve out personal space for yourself and acknowledge each other's unique struggles. This is also an ideal time to seek couples counselling to navigate these shifting dynamics.
Month 4: The Reevaluation
Month 4 marks a shift toward acceptance. Rather than just feeling the weight of the challenges, you begin to look for solutions. This is the phase of reassessing your skills, interests, and potential new career or personal paths.
Coping Strategy:
Explore local volunteering or take an online course. Focus on personal development and try to connect with other trailing spouses online who understand your specific experience.
Month 5: Building Momentum
At this stage, you may notice initial signs you're adjusting to life abroad. New routines are becoming established, and you feel more confident navigating your new environment. Small social connections begin to form, and you may start exploring career or hobby opportunities more seriously.
Coping Strategy:
Nurture those fledgling friendships. Celebrate your small victories and continue building your skills while exploring local community resources.
Month 6: Hope and Integration
When does it stop feeling foreign? For many, Month 6 is when a sense of belonging starts to develop. You begin to look forward with optimism rather than looking back with regret. While the journey isn't over, integration is finally happening, and stability is emerging.
Coping Strategy:
Explore setting long-term goals and acknowledge the immense personal growth you have achieved in the past few months. Explore if you can start giving back to the community and focus on the future possibilities of your new life.
Navigating Your Choice
Every trailing spouse’s journey is unique, but you do not have to navigate these milestones alone. Understanding that your emotions are a natural response to a major life transition is the first step toward healing.
To help you navigate the complexities of moving abroad for love, I invite you to download a free chapter of my book, The Choice. The Choice offers deeper insights and practical advice on how to cope and find your footing when you've moved your world for someone else.
About the Author:
Corene Crossin is a licensed therapist specialising in trailing spouses and expa relationships and cross-cultural couples. She provides online therapy for individuals and couples to work through the challenges of life abroad. . She is the author of The Choice, a book for people who have moved abroad for love. If you are looking for therapeutic support, she offers a free 20 minute connection call to explore working with her is the right fit for you:
