Why do I feel like a different person after moving abroad? Who am I now?

When you move abroad, you don't just change your physical location—you often experience a profound shift in your sense of self.

This phenomenon, which psychologists call "identity disruption," is a normal but challenging aspect of the expatriate experience that rarely receives the attention it deserves.

Who Am I Now? Navigating Identity Shifts as an Expat

Identity—your sense of who you are—is partially anchored in cultural context. Your home culture provided implicit frameworks for understanding yourself, your relationships, and your place in society. When you move across cultures, these frameworks no longer fully apply, triggering a process of identity reconstruction.

The Components of Identity Disruption

1. Role and Status Changes

Many expatriates experience significant changes in professional and social roles when moving abroad:

• The accomplished professional becomes a novice navigating unfamiliar systems

• The fluent communicator struggles with basic interactions

• The socially connected individual becomes an outsider seeking entry to new groups

• The independent adult becomes dependent on others for help with simple tasks

These role reversals can be particularly challenging for those whose self-concept is strongly tied to professional identity or social standing. Research published in the International Journal of Human Resource Management found that 68% of expatriates report significant distress related to professional identity disruption during their first year abroad.

2. Cultural Value Conflicts

Your identity is shaped by the values of your home culture, which may differ significantly from those of your host culture:

• Individualistic vs. collectivistic orientations

• Direct vs. indirect communication styles

• Task-focused vs. relationship-focused approaches

• Different gender role expectations

• Varying definitions of success and achievement

These differences can create internal conflict as you navigate which aspects of your identity to adapt and which to maintain. You may find yourself questioning values you previously took for granted or feeling conflicted about adapting to local norms that contradict your core beliefs.

3. Language and Self-Expression

Language is intimately connected to identity. When operating in a non-native language:

• You may struggle to express your personality, humor, or emotions

• Complex thoughts and feelings become difficult to communicate

• Your perceived intelligence and competence may not match your self-concept

• You may adopt a slightly different persona in the new language

Even fluent speakers of a second language often report feeling like "a different person" when speaking it, reflecting the deep connection between language and identity.

4. Belonging Uncertainty

Many expatriates experience a sense of being "between worlds"—not fully belonging in either their host culture or their home culture after significant time abroad:

• You may feel like a foreigner in your host country despite years of residence

• Returning home, you may find you no longer fully fit there either

• This "neither here nor there" feeling can create profound questions about where you truly belong

This experience, sometimes called "cultural homelessness," can be both disorienting and liberating as it pushes you to redefine belonging on your own terms.

5. Temporal Disruption

Your sense of personal narrative—the story you tell about your life—may be disrupted by international relocation:

• Previous chapters of your life story become less accessible to those around you

• Future chapters seem less predictable in an unfamiliar cultural context

• The present requires constant conscious navigation rather than automatic functioning

This temporal disruption can create a sense of discontinuity in your life story, requiring intentional effort to integrate your past, present, and future into a coherent narrative.

The Psychological Impact of Identity Disruption

Identity challenges during cultural transition can have significant psychological effects:

Positive Potential

• Increased self-awareness: Questioning previously automatic aspects of identity leads to greater self-knowledge

• Value clarification: Exposure to different cultural values helps identify your core personal values

• Enhanced flexibility: Navigating multiple cultural contexts develops adaptability and perspective-taking

• Identity expansion: Incorporating elements of multiple cultures creates a more complex, nuanced identity

Potential Challenges

• Identity confusion: Uncertainty about who you are and how to present yourself authentically

• Imposter syndrome: Feeling fraudulent in professional or social contexts

• Anxiety and self-doubt: Questioning previously stable aspects of identity

• Grief for former self: Mourning aspects of identity that don't translate to the new context

The balance between growth and challenge varies based on individual factors, including personality, previous cross-cultural experience, and the specific cultural contexts involved.

Professional Support for Identity Challenges

If identity questions during cultural transition become overwhelming or persistent, professional support can be valuable.

When to Consider Professional Support

• Persistent confusion about identity that interferes with daily functioning

• Significant distress related to role or status changes

• Difficulty finding balance between cultural adaptation and authenticity

• Identity-related conflicts in important relationships

• Using unhealthy coping mechanisms to manage identity distress

Embracing Identity Evolution

Perhaps the most important shift in navigating expatriate identity challenges is moving from seeing identity as fixed to understanding it as evolving. Cultural transition inevitably changes how you see yourself and how others see you. Resisting this evolution creates unnecessary suffering, while embracing it opens possibilities for growth and self-discovery.

The expatriate journey offers a unique opportunity to consciously participate in your own identity development—questioning assumptions, integrating diverse influences, and creating a more complex, nuanced sense of self. While this process involves challenges, it often leads to a more authentic and intentional identity than would have developed in a single cultural context.

As you navigate this journey, remember that identity disruption isn't a problem to solve but a natural part of cross-cultural living. With reflection, patience, and appropriate support, the identity questions triggered by expatriate life can become a catalyst for meaningful personal growth and development.

If your career has shifted since moving abroad and you no longer recognise your professional self, you are not alone. Many expats and partners go through a period where work, identity, and location no longer line up in a way that makes sense.

Therapy can give you space to think carefully about what you want from work now, how your values have changed, and what options are realistically on the table in your current context. It is a place to explore ideas without pressure and to take next steps at a pace that fits you.

If you would like support with expat career transition or identity questions, you can read more about Individual Therapy or book a free 20 minute connection call. We can talk about what you are weighing up and what kind of support might be useful.

Explore more articles on expat wellbeing and mental health:

Understanding Trailing Spouse Syndrome

The Stages of Adapting to Life Abroad: What Every Expat Should Know

How to Find the Right Therapist: A Practical Guide for Expats

About Expatriate Therapy

Expatriate Therapy specialises in supporting individuals and couples navigating the unique psychological challenges of international relocation. With specialised training in expat mental health and personal experience expat life, I provide evidence-based therapy for trailing spouses, expat couples, and globally mobile professionals. Learn more about me here.