I moved abroad for my partner and now I feel lost. Can therapy help?

Many people type some version of ‘I moved abroad for my partner and now I feel lost’ into a search bar before they ever say it out loud.

If you moved abroad for someone else’s job, you may be described as a “trailing spouse” or “accompanying partner.” For expat partners, the the term can feel uncomfortable, and so can the reality behind it.

Daily life might look fine on paper, yet privately you feel disconnected from who you were, unsure what you offer now, or resentful that your own plans have been paused.

Many expat partners (trailing spouses) in this position blame themselves for not “making the most of it.” In reality, you are carrying a significant load of emotional labour, role change, and loss of control that often goes unrecognised, even in the relationship itself.

When your partner receives an offer abroad, the decision can look simple on paper. Better career. Higher income. New experiences. Yet if you are the one who follows, the emotional cost can be quietly intense. You may leave behind your work, your friends, your family and your routines. On arrival you might feel invisible, dependent or strangely small, even in a very comfortable lifestyle.

This is where expat therapy becomes relevant. It is counselling that takes the realities of global mobility seriously, especially for partners who move because of someone else’s job.

In this article I will look at why the move can hit expat partners (trailing spouses) so hard, what therapy can offer and how you can decide whether support would help.

What Makes the Expat Partner Role So Emotionally Complex

In my book The Relocated Self, I provide detailed guidance for expat partners on managing the emotional, relationship and career challenges that come with being an accompanying partner or trailing spouse.

The term “trailing spouse” is far from perfect when describing expat partners, yet it captures a common pattern. One partner leads the move, the other follows and often gives up more to make it possible. Common themes include:

• Identity loss. At home you may have been known as a professional, a friend, a sibling, a community member. Abroad you might become “the partner of” the employee. Your sense of self can feel flattened.

• Role change. You might take on most of the unpaid work, such as managing the home, helping children adjust or handling practical tasks. If you previously had your own career, this change can feel jarring.

• Social isolation. Your partner arrives with a built in network at work. You often start from zero. Coffee dates and school gates do not always add up to real closeness, especially across cultures.

These experiences frequently sit on top of culture shock and homesickness. Many expat partners tell me they feel they should be grateful, yet they are sad, irritable or numb. That tension between “I have so much” and “I feel awful” can be painful on its own.

How Expat Therapy Can Help Expat Partners

Psychotherapy (counselling) with a therapist who specialises in the expat experience creates a confidential place where you can put your experience at the centre for a change. A good therapist who works with global expat partner clients will be familiar with themes like:

Relocation and identity crisis
Career interruption and fear of becoming unemployable
Social isolation and loneliness while living abroad
Resentment and guilt inside the couple relationship

Sessions might focus on:

• Naming and validating what you are going through, instead of minimising it.

• Exploring who you are beyond your old job title or role at home.
  Finding ways to rebuild a sense of purpose in your new environment.

• Looking at your relationship patterns and how the move has affected them.

• Planning practical steps to widen your support network and feel less alone.

For many expat partners and trailing spouses, simply speaking honestly with someone who understands expat life is a relief. You do not need to protect the company, the assignment or your partner’s career. You can talk about your fear, anger or grief without being told to focus only on the opportunity.

Why Wealth And Comfort Do Not Protect Your Mental Health

High income, domestic help and pleasant surroundings can make daily tasks easier, yet they do not replace a sense of meaning and connection. In some ways they can even make it harder to admit you are struggling. You may tell yourself “people would kill for this life” and then push your feelings aside.

Support from a specialist expat therapist helps you separate external comfort from internal wellbeing. You are allowed to feel lost even if your home is beautiful. You are allowed to grieve your career even if you no longer “have to” work. Your nervous system does not respond to income, it responds to belonging, purpose and safety.

Is It Time To Reach Out

You might consider therapy if you notice some of these patterns for more than a few weeks:

• Ongoing low mood, anxiety or irritation

• Sleep problems or unexplained exhaustion

• Feeling stuck or useless

• Pulling away from your partner or arguing more often

• Drinking or scrolling more to numb your feelings

• Thinking “nobody really gets what this is like”

If any of these feel familiar, you are not broken. You are reacting to a huge life change. Support can make that process less lonely and more constructive.

If you moved abroad for your partner and feel lost, it does not mean you are ungrateful or failing at expat life. It means you have gone through a major change in role, identity, and support, often without space to talk about what it has cost you.

If you moved abroad for your partner’s career and feel invisible, resentful, or unsure who you are now, therapy with a specialist expat therapist can give you space to make sense of it.

Therapy with someone who understands expat partner and trailing spouse experiences can give you a place to speak openly, name what has changed, and think about what you want for yourself in this chapter of your life.

If you would like support as an expat partner or trailing spouse, you can learn more about Individual Therapy or book a free 20 minute connection call. In the call you can describe what has been happening, ask questions, and see whether working together feels right for you.

Find out more about my book for expat partners (trailing spouses) - The Relocated Self.

Explore other articles:

Why do I feel depressed after moving abroad? (And what you can do about it).

I am in the middle of big changes abroad. How do I find my direction again?

I gave up my career to move abroad with my partner. Why do I feel like I have lost myself?